Why I don’t read personal developement books

I can see that it has become a habit to be a public speaker. Advice people how to miraculously change you life for better. Don’t get me wrong. For many people might work this approach. But for me, I think there is more than meets the eye and a personal developement book won’t make me stronger as a book about how to build a business won’t make me build a business. Now, let me tell you why.

The first problem. They treat the effect, not the cause. I mean let’s say that I am in depression and I read a book about how to get rid of depression in five steps. All good till now. But what if those steps don’t treat my effect? What of my problem is some other? What if I am facing some other demons? The basic ideea is easy. Just be optimistic, try to talk to your friends, go out. Of course I am exagerating a bit just to make my point, but you got the idea.

Second problem. I don’t find myself into their examples. And most of the times I find them unapplicable. Like doing a plank three times a day (again exagerating for making my point). What if I work for eight or twelve hours a day in a corporation? Should I go to my corporation bathroom and make a plank over the toilet? Sorry but I won’t do this. 

Third problem. I don’t find myself in those books. I feel they are sooo fake, like there is no passion, no feeling into them. I mean yeah the author sais once or twice that he is talking from experience, but he resumes to this. And when I read a book like this I feel like I am looking through it. I read but at the same time I don’t. As if all my mind is lost somewhere into the nothingness and there’se nothing to do to bring me back.

You might say that I am being biased, that this whole thing I am writing now is crap. Well for you maybe it is. I don’t say that my feelings should be your feelings. Everybody is different. Everybody reacts differently to different stimulators. 

Ok so now, you’re gonna ask me: if not through personal development books, how do you develop, and don’t tell me that you’re perfect and mature, and independent and etc. Well I’ll tell you what. I am not perfect. I am not even close to perfect. I can almost state that I am full of defects. But that’s ok. Cause that’s what makes us human. And to answer your question, I usually try to develop myself by getting to know me better. That’s right, you read it right. What am I saying is that I try to understand why do I think what I think, what do I do what I do? What are the pshychological triggers that make me who I am. Maybe I was hurt sometimes and I am wearing a protection mask, maybe I want to runaway from some experiences to avoid some bad memories in my past. But what I am saying, generally, is that I try to find the cause of my reactions and feelings before trying to heal me. It is like a disease. If you have high glicemy, you can try to take medicine to lower that index, but the diabetes keeps getting into your way. So you must cure the diabetes before lowering that glicemy. The same thing happens to the soul. If you try to heal your depression before finding out what caused it, you might find yourself walking into a circle that you just cannot leave. And that is definitely what you do not want. 

And in the end, we must learn to love and accept ourselves for who we are before trying to change. Sounds contradictorial, right? Yes it does, but until you haven’t find the love for yourself, for what you are now, you just can’t be better. Baby steps. Always remember that. The top of the carpet won’t weave until the base is finished. Isn’t it? 

© picnicontheshelf, December 7, 2018


  • Isabelle MUȘAT

    I soooo! agree with you, having tried before to read personal development books. All the information seemed so general and not helpful. It’s nice reading about others’ experiences, but what happens if that does not apply to you? The solutions to our problems should come from ourselves. We just need to pay a little attention to our reactions in stressful situations and learn from that, rather than looking for the answers somewhere else.

  • Bratu Gabriela

    i am so into you this time! i have noticed that in the last years, public speakers have become some kind of gurus. in my company there are some people keen on this subject. but Gosh, not everything is pink, or things aren’t just black and white. They make life seem so easy, but the truth is we have complex problems, that won’t solve with some quotes. So , no, thanks, development book and public speakers aren’t for me…

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